Everything You Want
by SleepyAngel
Summary: Takes off where the movie left off...Logan searches for his past, Marie sifts through her feelings, Jean is torn, and that's as far as I've thought :-) i hope you enjoy it.
1. Another Wound To Discover

Everything You Want   
By: SleepyAngel   
  
Another Wound To Discover   
  
  
The motorcycle roared along as Logan watched the trees speed past. He knew that   
it was he who was doing the moving, but it was just a little fantasy of moving trees that   
kept his mind distracted. He couldn't think of anything right now, but trees with the ability   
to move.   
  
His nose tried to breath in, but his mind wouldn't let it trace the scent of anything   
familar. It was all becoming to familar here, this place he'd lived, but not really been living.   
Did breathing mean you were living, or was it the joy of knowing you were experiencing   
another day? The shaggy head shook. He didn't care for such mind paradoxes.   
  
..........Logan..........   
  
Logan's head jerked, looking behind him for the source of the voice. It was no use   
of course, knowing the voice was calling within his mind. He hated having some other   
human being's thoughts inside his head, invading one of the only places he thought he was   
safe. But then, no place was safe anymore, for anyone.   
  
He sighed deeply, though no one would have heard it under the growl of the   
motorcycle. The past days had been endless, the same cycle everyday, getting up, eating,   
traveling on. Were his questions really in need of answers? Of course, that was a dumb   
question, as the voice in his head said, though not as harshly as he told himself.   
  
Answers were all he wanted.   
  
Noise. There was so much of it, but not all in his mind. With an alert twitch of his   
cheek's skin, his ears tuned in to the outside. His grip on the motorcycle's handles   
loosened and the bike slowed to the normal speed for a regular one, though the one he   
was riding was far from normal.   
  
As the approaching cars he'd heard came, Logan stared straight ahead, unwilling to   
glimpse a face, knowing he'd be searching for some one familar, something that would   
scream at him. He knew that if he could see the face of one of those scientists, he would   
know. He would know that that person, if such a horrific being could be called that, was   
the reason he was such a freak. A mutant.   
  
The car soon was gone, easily passing the slowly moving man. Logan's breathing   
was normal again, glad his eyes had not betrayed him and wandered to the car's windows.   
Though, he was curious what lay beyond the tinted darkness, shaded from normal human   
eyes.   
  
It didn't really matter. All the windows were the same, and all the faces behind   
them weren't the ones he searched for. Maybe he didn't really want to find them. It would   
be so horrible to return to them, in his present form, to prove that their work had been   
successful.   
  
The area between his knuckles ached as his jaw clenched. The power of all those   
years locked inside his own body was surging through him, causing his emotions to go   
wild with passion. Those days were so harsh, living a chore, needing to be called pure,   
animal survival. Every day was endless, going on like a painful nightmare that didn't end.   
Every second was used up, empty and of no use to him. And the claws. They were out   
every time he breathed, showing him what they had done to him, and why he had gone   
through all those procedures, as if he were merely an experiment.   
  
Logan knew that their "experiment" had been successful. His life was living proof.   
How he hated them, for erasing his memory, for taking out his chances of a normal life,   
one not confined to being a fighter, winning everything because he could endure. It was   
why he hate the claws so much, the metal that coursed through all his body, his structure.   
Was it just some cruel way to take out another mutant? Or was it a plan, a large one, that   
was yet to be completed, like the Professor believed? Logan didn't know, but just the   
thoughts burned inside, pain screaming as he felt something inside push against his skin.   
  
He focused his anger at the pain, forcing it down, and stopping it before they came out.   
He didn't want to give them the satisfaction of his body getting the better of him.   
  
The sun was setting on the horizon, so beautiful. Logan watched as the colors   
mixed and blurred as his sharp eyes teared. It was such a close heaven out there, yet he   
knew that he'd never reach the end of the sky. There was little hope going after things that   
couldn't be touched. Yet, he knew that his answers lay somewhere out there, just in reach.   
His grip on the motorcycle's handles tightened, and he roared off again, speeding   
so that that air pushed his hair straight back and his cheeks flapped in the wind.


	2. Something More To Say

Everything You Want   
By SleepyAngel   
  
  
Something More To Say   
  
  
"Marie?" Marie's head jerked up when she heard her name. Blinking rapidly, she   
glanced around, to see that she was the only one still in the classroom. She looked up into   
the Professor's kind face and immediately felt embarrassed.   
  
"I'm so sorry, Professor. I shouldn't have let my mind wander," Marie apologized,   
knowing it didn't matter what excuse she made up. He would be able to see right through   
it and into her true thoughts.   
  
"Don't worry yourself, Marie. He is fine," the Professor said and Marie's cheeks   
heated up, knowing he was talking about Logan.   
  
"Well, um, thanks. Bye," she muttered, knowing she sounded totally foolish. She   
left the classroom before she could dwell on that fact anymore. Marie couldn't help that   
she couldn't think of the right thing to say. Ever since he had left the School, she couldn't   
keep her mind of Logan, worrying and wondering where he'd gone and if he'd ever come   
back. Her hand automatically flew up to the chain around her neck, and she rubbed the   
dog tags on it. She didn't have to look at it to know what it had on it. Wolverine, followed   
by a bunch of ID numbers. She'd never asked him what the numbers meant. All she knew   
was that he didn't like answering personal questions about anything and that with this   
necklace, he'd promised to come back.   
  
"Hey, Rouge!" Marie stopped walking and waited for who ever had called her   
name. She kind of liked having a nickname, even if where she'd gotten it from was a curse.   
She smiled as her two roommates approached, along with some one Marie was   
always glad to see, Bobby. They had a crush-type of relationship, and she liked the tingly   
feeling she got everytime she thought about him.   
  
"Hi," she said to the group, though she looked at Bobby when she said it. He was   
very cute and a few girls Marie knew were jealous of the fact that he seemed to like her.   
The way his icy blue eyes were staring at her in a way that confirmed this and Marie felt   
shy. Luckily, she didn't have to think of anything to say. One of her roommates took care   
of that.   
  
"Hey, yourself. We're wondering if you wanted to go hang out. You've been too   
distant lately. What's up?" asked a very fast talking Zoe. She was from New York, her   
accent and manner a dead-give away to her roots. No matter how long she'd been from   
her hometown, she never lost her personality, which was accented by her black skin and   
perfect, dark hair. She'd said that Marie was the same way, being from Mississippi, her   
accent a little drawl and her innocent aura always sweet, her face young and hair that was   
never touched by unnatural styling products. But, when two strips had been colored white,   
Zoe had proclaimed her hair cool at last.   
  
Marie really didn't want to discuss her missing Logan, especially with Bobby right   
there. She wanted to shrug and let them guess, so she did. As expected, her two friends   
fell into a huge guessing game as they walked outside on the green grasses. Bobby was   
silent, but he was walking along side Marie, so she just enjoyed his presence.   
  
"It's the tests at school, huh? It's so bred into you that you have to succeed that   
you don't need your parents there to tell you about having to pass them," Shell guessed,   
mocking all the "good" parents in the world. Her own had been, basically, non-existant,   
and she picked on the little things Marie loved about her parents, like how they pushed her   
to succeed. Shell believed in living life like it was going to end too soon and wasting time   
actually trying at school was a pointless.   
  
"No, not that. She's gotta be torn up about something. Did you ever have a pet,   
girl? That's what it is. Her hedgehog died yesterday." Marie shook her head. Her friends   
were too wierd sometimes. Bobby didn't seem to notice. He was too busy watching her.   
Knowing this, Marie blushed and waited for Shell to come up with some up with the next   
possibility.   
  
"You're not on your period, are you?' Shell asked, smiling devilishly. Marie's eyes   
widened and she could feel her blush deepening. It wasn't from the fact that a very cute   
boy was staring at her intently. Just mentioning certain things in front of certain guys was   
not what she would call fun.   
  
Luckily, her company had a sense of humor and everyone was soon laughing,   
though Marie didn't find it was funny as they were trying to make it. Bobby was smiling   
when the amusement subsided and Zoe and Shell were complaining about not being able   
to do things with their powers in the real world, since the Professor forbid for any of them   
to do it out of school territory. Marie personally saw the wisdom of that rule, since she'd   
seen what people do to those who are different. Like Logan, in that bar, with a gun to his   
head.....   
  
"Do you wanna go get something to eat later?" Bobby whispered in her ear under   
the voices of the two girls walking in front of them. Somehow, Marie and Bobby had   
slipped behind.   
  
"Sure," she whispered back, smiling. He was happy and he reached to squeeze her   
gloved hand. She squeezed back, and let his hand hold hers, with which she felt a sudden   
burst of braveness and a taste of new adventure. With just the touch of their fingers, even   
through cloth, was as exciting as imagining Logan loving her as more than a friend. Marie   
felt guilty for holding Bobby's hand, because immediately she thought of Logan, gone.   
  
Everything that she felt for Logan was so confusing. Things with Bobby were   
uncomplicated, at least. Plainly, he liked her, and she liked him, but it still wasn't what she   
felt everytime she looked at Logan. She thought maybe, with Logan, it was love.   
But with him, she was always feeling something wasn't fitting, like how he thought   
of her as more of a daughter then a romantic interest. Maybe it was because she'd taken   
his life force from him too many times, and it was like sharing genes or something. Maybe   
he had been in too many missions to save her that she seemed like too much trouble. Or   
maybe it was just that woman, Jean. 


	3. Back Of Your Mind

Everything You Want   
By: SleepyAngel   
  
  
Back Of Your Mind   
  
  
A red-haired woman rubbed her head, trying to ease the headache she could feel   
rising in the back of it. She'd been trying to reach Logan for hours and so far she'd only   
contacted him once, and that was a while ago. Even her "contact" was just her calling his   
name. She'd felt it echo through his brain, and then it was gone.   
  
Jean stood up from the couch and stretched. She couldn't spend all her time on   
him. Life had to go on. Walking over to the mini-kitchen in her and Scott's apartment, she   
tried to make herself believe she was hungry. In reality, she just felt sleepy, but she hadn't   
eaten in a long time and Scott was starting to worry.   
  
As if he had read her thoughts, her boyfriend walked in at that moment, calling   
out, "Jean?" She stuck her head out of the kitchen and smiled at him. He smiled back,   
obviously relieved that she was getting something to eat. Jean opened the fridge and tried   
to find something interesting.   
  
"How was your day, Scott?" she asked, her head still in the coldness. At least it   
cooled her headache off. She would've let her head stay there longer if it didn't waste   
electricity. Not that it mattered here, where she could easily find some kid who had an   
electric charge. Still, she didn't want to use their powers for such a silly purpose. With no   
food in hand, she closed the fridge.   
  
Scott noticed and frowned. "Aren't you going to eat?" he asked in reply to her   
question. With all her strength, Jean resisted the urge to roll her eyes. She was a more than   
capable adult who knew how to take care of herself. She hated it when Scott treated her   
like a child.   
  
"I'm fine."   
  
He obviously didn't believe her as he sighed and lectured her, "Not eating isn't   
going to bring Logan back. You may as well forget about him getting in trouble. He'll be   
back too soon, and, of course, he won't have a scratch." His tone was biting and Jean   
winced, knowing that Scott and Logan were very close to enemies, both with hard heads   
and stubborn attitudes. Scott also hated the fact that Jean seemed to be attracted to the   
newcomer. She wished that she never had complained about Logan's forward behavior   
because it only lead to more problems. Still, it was hard to resist the strange effect he had   
on her. It was like she knew him, loved him, even if they'd never met until last winter.   
Scott could sense this somehow, and he resented Logan for it.   
  
"Listen to me, Scott. I know that you don't like Logan. I know that he is pretty   
invincible. It's hard for him to die, but he's still human."   
  
"As much as any of us is," Scott replied, and Jean had to agree. None of them   
were truly human beings in some people's minds. Unfortunately, Jean had to hear alot of   
these less than kind thoughts about mutants such as herself, Scott, Logan, or anyone at   
Professor Xavier's School for Gifted Children.   
  
"He had to leave and I can't help but worry," Jean muttered, to herself as much to   
anyone. She knew Scott was glad for his absence, but she missed the rough man. Logan   
tried to deny it, but being different really did bug him, and he had to find out why he was.   
Jean understood this yearning to know why, the reason for his abrupt leaving after the   
Professor had found a place where Logan's torture seemed to have started.   
Understanding the natural, healing part of Logan was easy compared to the reason   
some sick people had decided to change his skeletal structure to one of metal, putting him   
through numerous, painful procedures. He had been left with no memories of a past life   
and very frightening nightmares. Many times before, the Professor and Jean had tried to   
probe past whatever barrier had been placed on his memory and every time they met with   
green flashbacks; being pushed under liquid, metal inserted through the skin, those rich   
people toasting themselves with wine, the pain that never stopped, even if it healed. Any   
deeper than that was lost to them.   
  
"I'm going to make dinner," Scott said and Jean was reminded of one of the   
reasons why she loved this man. He let things drop if he sensed a big fight coming on. It   
didn't change his mind, but at least it kept a reasonable peace in their shared apartment.   
Jean nodded and went back to sit on the couch.   
  
Even though she didn't mean to, she let Scott's thoughts enter into her own.   
  
......I can't believe this. I thought she loved me......   
  
......Steak, burgers, chili.........   
  
.......What is Logan doing anyway? He wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for Jean. Of   
all the girls, why mine? I wish he'd just leave. Maybe he won't come back....   
  
.......Chili. My chili is her favorite........   
  
........Even if he does come back, maybe Jean will have stopped loving him by then.   
She does love him. Every time he's mentioned.....I can tell.......   
  
........I wonder if I'll be able to teach about the car's engine next week. The kids are   
so eager to learn...   
  
....Logan isn't such a bad guy. If only Jean didn't like him.....I can see what Jean   
does in him. He and I have a lot of the same traits. He's like me and if she loves me....   
  
....Of course, last week they understood the gears, so it shouldn't be that   
difficult....   
  
Jean pulled her mind away, physically straining against listening to anymore. There   
were downsides to being telepathic and the main was hearing things you didn't want to.   
Like if it wasn't for her, Logan and Scott could be friends. Even Scott saw how much they   
were alike. She buried her head into her hands, wishing she wasn't able to hear such   
things, such private ones. She couldn't even remember what it was like to just have her   
own thoughts in her head, and not to have to constantly keep her mind from wandering   
into others.   
  
When Scott finally did finish preparing the chili, which was her favorite, Jean   
pretended to be asleep. He smiled, his eyes on her even if she couldn't see them, and he set   
a bowl for her when she woke up. Stroking a strand of hair from her face, he left the   
room. Jean could feel her mind leaving, going miles away, reaching inside some one's   
head, searching for his answers. 


	4. Skinned Knees and Skid Marks

Everything You Want  
By SleepyAngel  
  
  
Skinned Knees and Skid Marks  
  
  
With a start, Logan woke up, breathing heavily. It wasn't a nightmare that had  
gripped him this time, though they were frequent as he grew closer to something. It was  
the calling he'd felt earlier. And he knew who it was. Jean.  
  
Why was she trying to reach him? It's not like she was available, with talks of  
engagements and marriage flowing through the school's gossip chains. Not that he listened  
to gossip if he could help it, but it still touched him. Jean had expressed the same feelings  
for her telepathy, not wanting to hear but being subjected to it anyway. He had smiled and  
tried to get her to read his mind again. She'd gone away, muttering something about the  
Professor saying there were safer minds to start reading than his. He'd never understood  
that until now.  
  
The abandoned military base closer and his nightmares had become more and more  
powerful and scary. Logan could feel it, he was living them. All those people, the green,  
the lines of his skin, the metal, the drowning, the pain. He shook his head and stood up  
from the grass and leaves. He'd slept in the woods and forest again, like he had for the  
past weeks.  
  
There weren't many places to stop on the way to his destination and he didn't much  
feel like stopping at the few there were. He wished partly that he could be a wolf, living  
alone and without ties. But something was drawing him back to his past, whether he liked  
it or not.  
  
He had to know his past.   
  
He righted the motorcycle he'd hidden under leaves and kept close to himself. If he  
lost it, he would have no means of transportation, and this trip would take longer, time he  
didn't want to waste walking. Besides, Scott would kill him if his precious bike was gone.  
He smiled as he remembered the red eyed man lending him the motorcycle,  
knowing how much Logan loved it. Scott wouldn't be such a bad guy if he and Jean  
weren't so serious. Jean was just too much for either of the men to resist.  
  
Logan had to order his thoughts of the School away before he changed his mind  
and went back. With a jolt, he realized he thought of it as home now, now when he was  
going back to the place when any kind of home had ended for him. If he had ever had a  
place to call his own before, he didn't remember it.  
  
He blew air our his cheeks, causing little smoke-like puffs to appear in the air. All  
he needed was to figure this out, just so his life could go on. Everything had a purpose. If  
it didn't, why did people bother living?  
  
Logan smiled bitterly as he loaded himself onto the bike and roared off. His little  
Marie needed a purpose, more than anyone. If she couldn't touch the world physically, she  
had to have some way to touch their hearts, soften their hardened souls. She had  
mentioned to him how much she wanted to change the world, so that they could have a  
chance at a normal life.   
  
"After all, we're human, too. Just...different," she said, trying to make sense of it.  
  
Logan had shook his head. "We're more than different, Marie." She didn't say  
anything, just went off with some friends she'd spotted. He was glad she had made friends  
at School, but sometimes he missed the company they had shared before, when they both  
had been the sludge of the world, those minutes in his truck, a few moments reflecting on  
the train. Maybe they didn't even know eachother. Somehow though, there was a strange  
connection between them. The Professor had mentioned something like this happening, a  
bond that was created neither by time or blood. Those times that Marie had shared in his  
life force, those were the times they had become close, when they had felt the same  
memories and pain. Though the memory was fading into the back of his mind, he could  
still bring up a picture of a young boy, leaning in to kiss her, and the pulling she felt when  
their lips touched, as if they were falling into the kiss, then, the realization that she wasn't  
kissing like a normal human. He could feel the searing pain inside, not from fire, but from  
anger, fear. She had been running ever since, living in the fear of touch.  
  
Something familar drifted in the wind and Logan slowed the bike, barely moving it  
as he saw something hidden in trees. If not for his extra sensitive eyes and sense of smell,  
he missed the well hidden building, a large factory or laboratory of some sort. He killed  
the motorcycle's engine and listened for voices, or any type of proof of activity, before  
slipping down the hill, into the forest. He was close to something of his past, he could  
smell the same air he had breathed the first night he'd escaped, the air that had seemed  
sweet when he'd been caught in an air choked prison, with smells of formaldehyde and  
who-knew-what-else.  
  
Just as he came to clearing, with a huge electric fence surrounding his past,  
another thing of his present called to him.  
  
........Come home.......  
  
Feeling the tears run down his face, Logan shook his head, reaching for the fence,  
prepared to climb since the power wasn't buzzing through the air. He blinked and gulped  
that old air, trying to send a message back.   
  
.........I can't............  
  
He felt some one poke around his brain once more, before he felt the presence  
leave and found himself all alone again. 


	5. Don't Know Why

Everything You Want  
BY: SleepyAngel  
  
  
Don't Know Why  
  
  
Surrounded by students, Marie smiled at Bobby when he looked her way in class.  
He smiled, nodded, and turned back to the teacher, satisfied. She felt a little fake with that  
smile, knowing that she hadn't really enjoyed hanging out with him last night, even though  
he'd been sweet and listened to her and talked about whatever came to mind. For some  
stupid reason, the only thing on her mind was Logan. She wished that he would just leave  
her mind temporarily, just long enough to enjoy other things in life. Why couldn't she feel  
for Bobby what she did for Logan? Bobby was available, closer her age, just as cute as  
Logan, and was everything she could want.  
  
Marie doodled in her notebook, once again distracted from school work for  
Logan's safety. If she could have some way to contact him, like Jean, maybe she wouldn't  
feel so isolated among everyone else. She thought that maybe she felt some of what Logan  
did, the freak factor as she'd heard some students refer to it. The avoidance that came with  
being a mutant, and then a step further with being a dangerous one, was something she  
and Logan shared. Why this made her feel so close to him, she wouldn't have known, if  
she hadn't overheard what the Professor had been explaining to Logan about memories he  
didn't think were his. When she'd taken anyone's life force, she'd taken and given  
memories, coming as close as blood with Logan, whom she'd shared life with twice.   
  
Holding her head in her hands, Marie remembered another, the first, she'd touched  
with this, this freak factor. Her first boyfriend, the only one she'd ever kissed besides her  
parents, who didn't count for that anyway, was off living some other life, just like she was,  
like the other had never existed. It was easier that way then trying to see why she had put  
Matt in a coma, why she had left. Sometimes, she did wonder what her parents thought, if  
they moved on.  
  
Maybe it didn't matter. She had to let the past go and keep on living. Unlike  
Logan, who couldn't let go, Marie knew she couldn't take dwelling in what was. She often  
felt some of that longing he had, and wondered if it was her own heart tugging to be free  
or just a different person's reaching for truth they couldn't touch.  
  
What would Logan come back like? She knew he wouldn't give up until he found  
what he was looking for. What if the past was supposed to be buried, the reason he  
couldn't find it? Marie had tried to talk him out if it, though not very convincingly, using a  
line he'd used for her. Running away and running to were too confusing, to easy to mix  
up. Which was Logan doing? She wondered if he even thought about her, she wanted to  
know what he was thinking with his spontaneity and confusing mind. She wished she  
could be mad at him, with his abrupt departure and skimpy explanation. Still, there was  
anger in her, just not at Logan, who she couldn't find a solid reason for to be mad at him.  
  
Marie scratched the paper with such a rough pencil that it tore the paper. She  
looked around to make sure no one noticed and decided to stare distractedly at her hands.  
If there was anyone she was really angry at, it was Jean. That woman could find out his  
thoughts without having to shift through all Marie did, the confusion and memories and  
mixed signals. What if she could also influence his thoughts? Marie was sure she couldn't,  
but the thought was still frightening. With that, she would have no chance at all. Logan  
would never be hers.  
  
"...due tomorrow. Don't forget," Orroro said, smiling as she saw blank, frantic  
stares meeting her knowing eyes. Marie liked Orroro and her common sense, like knowing  
few students would pay attention when it was their last class on a Thursday, so close to  
the weekend. But today, Marie didn't appreciate the woman's easy going, it's-not-my-fault-  
if-you-can't-take-responsibility attitude, especially since she was one of the blank stare  
people.  
  
Packing up her things when the class was dismissed, Marie felt some one standing  
next to her and watching. She looked up, not very surprised to see Bobby's smiling face.  
She tried to smile back, but felt so stupid that she looked down into her bag, hoping he  
didn't take this as reject.   
  
Luckily, he wasn't such a complex person that he'd take it the wrong way, or  
analyze it. Marie was glad for that, but she craved something wilder, some one more  
unpredictable. She wished that her mind would stop returning to Logan. She shoved the  
rest of the books in her bag, not caring what it squished, and remembered her present  
problem: homework.  
  
"Did you get the assignment?" Bobby asked, seeming to read her mind, letting his  
hand be free for hers. She wished she'd carried some books, because she could hardly  
stand to keep setting Bobby up like this, knowing she'd ignore him when Logan came  
back. If he did.  
  
"Um, no. I was just going to ask you about it." She smiled, feeling her eyelashes  
bat more than they should. No wonder he thought she was madly in love with him. No  
wonder Logan thought she was a child. She acted totally wrong for every situation.  
  
Bobby finally grabbed her hand himself, and grinned at her. "We could work on it  
together. Even if you were there distracting me, I'd like it better than sitting alone, not able  
to concentrate because I'd be thinking about you." He looked so hopeful, and was saying  
things so right that Marie felt her hand melt in his. How could he be so perfect, but so  
totally wrong? 


	6. Angels Who Won't Return

Everything You Want  
By: SleepyAngel  
  
  
Angels Who Won't Return  
  
The kiss was so automatic, Jean didn't even feel any emotion attached to it  
anymore. Scott would come, kiss, eat, leave again for class. She felt silly for suddenly  
finding something wrong with this schedule they'd kept for so long. But wasn't love  
supposed to be spontaneous, so unpredictable you just craved more?  
  
Love wasn't supposed to be anything set, specific; that was the point. It was  
different for each couple. Jean knew that the relationship she and Scott shared would be  
alien to the one she and Logan would have.   
  
With a start, she shook away the thought. She couldn't be thinking of that,  
especially with Scott dropping hints about an engagement, any day now. A year ago,  
maybe even less than that, she would've been ecstatic, chattering to Orroro about  
arrangements, dresses, maid-of-honor decisions. The joy of a marriage would take away  
the sting of a family she'd lost to gain these powers, the relationships she'd made at the  
School. It was never completely buried in her mind; it always lurked near the surface. Only  
the Professor knew, understood, her pain and he kept it to himself, occasionally  
comforting her mentally, soothing emotions no one could express in words.  
  
Marriage shouldn't be an escape. That much, she knew, and if she married Scott  
now, she knew it would be because she didn't want to take the confusing feelings that  
came along with Logan and his own past. If he'd never come to the School, she'd still be  
happy, the empty spaces filled with a love she thought no one else could experience. The  
filling sand had run out when she'd met two as jumbled as she: Logan and Marie, both  
complex puzzles in their own.  
  
Marie's puzzle could never be un-jigsawed. If only one person could give her a  
hug, a slight squeeze, skin to skin, the pieces would fall into place, barely a break in the  
picture visible. With her mutation, she was isolated, alone in her misery. Jean had wished  
to hold the girl, understanding the alienation, even if she couldn't feel it as deeply as Marie  
did. Only, one man kept the two from sharing anything more than random hellos in the  
hall. Logan kept so many people away from himself, that something about him drove  
Marie and Jean crazy with mixed feelings that came with a mixed man.   
  
Logan's past would never be found; she had perceived this as soon as she had  
probed his green thoughts, seen the terrible memories he lived with. The people  
responsible for his metal bones and mixed animal instincts had covered themselves, never  
wanting the the interference of finding what would happen to the monster they created.  
Logan could search the rest of his life, and still be caught in green water and painful metal.  
  
.........Jean, come see me please.......  
  
Jean replied to the Professor with yes, and left to his office, glad to leave the  
solitary loneliness of her and Scott's apartment. She needed some one who understood this  
being clogged down with one's own thoughts, and having to deal with everyone elses' too.  
Whenever she got distracted, all the problems in the school flooded in, creating a very  
disasterous headache.  
  
She hurried across the halls, realizing too late that she had forgotten shoes and was  
shuffling around in socks. She shrugged as she opened the door to the Professor's office.  
He wouldn't mind, though she knew Scott would frown with disapproval, thinking she was  
acting childish and needed him there to tie her shoes. The more Jean thought about Scott's  
behavior concerning her responsibility, the less it seemed protective and the more it  
seemed annoying or even obsessive.   
  
The Professor chuckled when she sat on the couch in his living space. "Love is too  
confusing, isn't it?" Jean blushed, hiding her face, but unable to close her mind off behind  
her hair in the same way. She didn't answer and had no need to; the Professor could hear  
her thoughts as if she were shouting at the top of her lungs. His face was grim, a drastic  
change from the merriment that had marked his face earlier. "Logan is running into his  
past and you and I can hear those confused thoughts from thousands of miles away. He  
found the military base, Jean."  
  
She finally looked the Professor, her whole face shocked. "Military base? I  
thought...I thought..."  
  
The Professor's ironic smile, the one that told he he'd already heard the sentence  
before you said it, appeared on his face and he replied, "No, I wasn't leading him on and  
saying there was one just to rest his mind. I have better ways of reassuring him that the  
torture had happened and he wasn't dreaming up green scenes. I had to keep my promise  
to him."   
  
Jean didn't ask what promise, knowing he wouldn't reply, and instead asked, "Why  
did you have to do that, give him an answer that you know would send him away? Some  
of us were growing attached, you know." She covered her mouth as soon as the words  
had left her lips. Even if the Professor already knew about her confused feelings for  
Logan, she didn't have to announce them verbally. But it was already too late.  
  
The Professor sighed, not amused as he usually would be at Jean's bumble. "You  
know why. You could hear his thoughts bursting at the insides of his mind, just pushing to  
be free and none of us could have put up with it for long. Even the students seemed to feel  
the depressing state of Logan's mind." Jean clenched her teeth, not liking how the  
Professor characterized Logan as a burden. His thoughts had been loud and demanding,  
but the person of him was just so intriguing she didn't mind at all. "He has a right to know  
his past, like all of us, to satisfy that inner hunger and yearning. I don't know if he will ever  
be complete, but at least he'll be closer to it."  
  
Jean nodded. "I understand. I do want him to understand his past. Really, I do. It's  
just...well, what if he's changed by what he finds? I can't, I don't want to, have to deal with  
a new, different Logan. I miss the old one and will if a new one shows up."  
  
The Professor nodded, his eyes soft with understanding. "None of us will know how he will be   
changed. Who can predict the human, even mutant, mind? I don't know how any of this will turn out.   
But I do know that the truth sets one free, and if he finds this, he will finally be free from the  
worry and pain. He'll have the same body, but, you're right. His mind will be new. Free."  
  
Jean felt the tears in her eyes and hurriedly wiped at them. The Professor sighed.  
  
"Besides, Marie...she was getting so close to him. I-I couldn't stand it if..." Jean stared at  
the Professor, worried by the man's stuttering voice. He was always strong, never a word  
said without assurance. Her mind invaded his and she recoiled at the swirling downpull of  
sadness that swelled there. "It breaks my hear that she has to be so...alone. If some of can  
be discriminated so harshly, what about her? She needs love like any of us, yet none can  
get close enough to hold her. Who knows what Logan would do, seeing how vulnerable  
she is, thinking he could just help if he hugged her." The Professor shook his head. "I  
hoped that maybe she could forget about him for awhile, so she wasn't too attached..."  
Jean quietly squeezed the bald man's hand, and slipped out, feeling like she'd  
intruded too far into the Professor's mind, even if it was he who had spilled the feelings  
willingly.  
  
One thing she knew for sure: Marie wasn't the only one to become attached to Logan, the  
disappearing act who could tug your heart and make you wish you could forget him in the  
same thought. Jean knew what she had to do and ran to her and Scott's room, dissolving  
into tears because she knew how wrong she was and how much it was going to hurt when  
Logan came back. If he came back.... 


End file.
